Let’s Stop Destroying Each Another and Live in Christ’s Love and Freedom!

But what happens when we live God’s way? He brings gifts into our lives, much the same way that fruit appears in an orchard—things like affection for others, exuberance about life, serenity. We develop a willingness to stick with things, a sense of compassion in the heart, and a conviction that a basic holiness permeates things and people. We find ourselves involved in loyal commitments, not needing to force our way in life, able to marshal and direct our energies wisely.

Why Choosing to Love Like Jesus Changes How You Handle Life’s Challenges

2020 has taught us that we can only control our mindset, attitudes, beliefs, words, and personal actions. We have also realized that some natural destructive realities of living in a broken world can affect every aspect of our lives. However, as disciples of Christ, we must know and learn how to let Jesus use the challenges we face to show us his love, teach us, and strengthen our faith.

Christians! Are Your Relationships Healthy and Following the Love of Jesus?

Some proclaiming “Christians” don’t realize they are instructed and responsible for learning to love others like Jesus. They don’t know where to begin because of their broken love design formed from their life experiences. Some proclaiming “Christians” believe they can treat people they don’t like or value or people they want to control with devilish attitudes, words, and actions. Any person proclaiming to be a Christian or Christ-follower must commit to following Jesus in every way. There is no middle ground.

How to Stop Fighting in Your Marriage Through Christ’s Love Design

Unfortunately, most Christians don’t realize they are operating from their broken love design or that Jesus has a pure love design for their marriage. Even if they want their marriage to be happy and healthy and try to achieve this goal, they often find themselves in a tug of wills, revealed by a cycle of continual fighting. As long as the couple uses their broken love designs, they will continue to struggle, hurt one another, have an unhealthy marriage, or fall into the destructive cycle of abuse, which can end in divorce or death.

Dangerous Love Assumptions Christians Make Without Knowing It

People are just like computers. We can only do what we know how to do. The only way to change what we do is by learning something new and implementing it in our life every day.

In a marriage, each spouse uses their imperfect, unhealthy, or abusive love design to make their marriage conform to their broken definition and understanding of love. Unless we learn and practice loving like Jesus, we will use our broken love design by default. Without Christ’s pure path to love others as he loves us, our relationships will continually struggle in a tug of wills.

Yes, You Can Be A Christian and Still Not Know God’s Love Design

I have known Christ since age seven. I have gone to church most of my life, and I grew up in a Christian home. But I still ended up in three abusive marriages with men proclaiming to be Christians. Halfway through my third abusive marriage, I realized that I did not know how to recognize or live in God’s definition of love.

Abuse is Not Christ’s Love

So how come Christians struggle to love and live like Jesus? The answer is we all start with our broken definition and design of love. Until we learn and implement Christ’s love design, we will continue to do what we know. It’s not that there is something wrong with us as believers. We are just missing God’s truth and a clear path to learn about Christ’s love design.

Solution for Misdiagnosis of Abuse

“My husband had a hard day at work, and he […]

3 Major Signs of an Abusive Non-romantic Relationship

“My mother-in-law told me that I wasn’t meeting up to […]

Solution for Verbal Abuse

A face mask can shield us from some destructive airborne […]

Healthy Friendships: Christ’s Guidelines

If you keep going through friendships, stop, and consider what these past friends have said. Do you demand continual contact or an immediate response to your calls, texts, or emails? Do you get hurt, mad, or any other negative emotion when the person is not responding according to your expectations. Do you think “if only she would _____ then our friendship would be great.” If any of these statements are true for you, it’s vital for you to recognize that you have an unhealthy definition of friendship with unattainable expectations.

Guidelines for a Healthy Christ-Centered Relationship

As we walk with Jesus and become more like him, we will recognize when we are unhealthy or others around us. We will know how to draw and live in healthy boundaries. We will be able to limit or end the unhealthy relationships that are destructive and toxic in Christ’s love. As we walk with Jesus in our healthy relationships, he will bless us. Disciples of Christ, it’s time to love and live like Jesus Christ in healthy relationships!

Radiate Kindness in Healthy Christ-Centered Relationships

All people are not created or considered to be equal in the world’s values. Just look at the amount of discrimination, prejudice, segregation, fighting, and hate in the news and in our communities. The world influences us from an early age that we must fight for what we want or prove that we are good enough to deserve it.

The world often teaches us to take an offensive or aggressive stance in life to get ahead and achieve our goals and dreams. Although there are times we must push through, and we must prove our credibility, we always have a choice to be kind or cruel. Only we can choose our hearts and motives and how we will speak and act.

Healthy Relationships Start with Us

Once we are living in Christ’s love design, other people will notice a change in us. In Christ’s love design, we will understand what is healthy and what is unhealthy. We will understand the difference between forgiveness, trust, reconciliation, persecution, and how to draw and live in healthy boundaries.

Christ’s Healthy Boundaries for Words

People will continue to do what they know or what they can get away with in our sinful flesh. Unless you learn how to speak God’s life-giving words and implement them in your life, you will keep using words of death. When you proclaim to be a Christ-follower, your words must give life.

The Golden Rule is a Christ Boundary

The other day, my husband and I were in the […]

4 Aspects of Christ’s Healthy Boundaries

When we ask Jesus to be our Savior, he accepts us as we are. The problem is, we have all been trained from people with their imperfect guidelines and definitions of love and boundaries. Some of us may have grown up in healthy, loving environments founded on God. However, I would guess that most of us have learned imperfect and skewed ways growing up, and we have the scars to prove it.

God’s Boundaries Are Eternal Life

Jesus tells us that we cannot serve two masters (Matt. 6:24). Either you are all in with God and Jesus, or you are still living for your sinful flesh desires. God tells us in the Bible how to know if we are truly followers of Christ.

And how can we be sure that we belong to him? By looking within ourselves: are we really trying to do what he wants us to? Someone may say, “I am a Christian; I am on my way to heaven; I belong to Christ.” But if he doesn’t do what Christ tells him to, he is a liar. But those who do what Christ tells them to will learn to love God more and more. That is the way to know whether or not you are a Christian. Anyone who says he is a Christian should live as Christ did. (1 John 2:3-6, TLB)

What is God’s Agape Love?

If you were not taught the path of living your life for Jesus Christ and your loving Father, God, then you will use your imperfect understanding of love by default. Without God’s truth and revelation, you will be a frustrated Christian, always trying to do better. Unless you study God’s word and have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ every day, you will not see or understand how to live in God’s agape love.

When you love someone with all of your heart, you can’t wait to treat them well and to honor and respect them. Jesus died for you and gave you the gift of salvation. However, it is your choice to honor him by your devotion, service, and obedience as you live your life in on earth.

Who Determines Our Value?

What or who you believe created you determine your value, morals, beliefs, and standards in life. When you believe that you are the result of the big bang theory or you evolved from any other imperfect organism on this earth, where can you find pure unconditional love? How can they teach you about healthy, respectful, and honoring morals, values, beliefs, standards, justice, grace, and unconditional love?

Discrimination, Racism, and Christ’s Loving Standards

The first step to any change is the awareness that something is not right in the eyes of God; it is disrespectful and dishonoring. In your heart, you know these words or acts would not come from Jesus. Therefore, they must not come from you because Christ lives in you. Many Christ-followers have not been aware of their discriminations or racism until now. However, now that you are aware, you will need to break your learned cycles.

Breaking Free from Our Invisible Prison

It takes a while to unwrap and understand the complex prisons of our beliefs and brokenness, our unawareness of God’s word, power, and Christ’s love design, and our unawareness of abuse. Unless we know the aspects of Christ’s love design and how the enemy has used our brokenness, we can only make a little better choice. We trade up in each relationship, but we remain in our prison.

Perfect Definition of Love

This love passage in the Passion Translation gives us a picture of Christ’s perfect love design. He instructs his disciples to give and receive his aspects of love equally. If you want your relationship or marriage to follow Christ’s love design, it has to start with you. You are one half of your relationship. To have a healthy relationship, you must work on yourself first.

Christ’s Love Can Change the World

Jesus came to earth and lived among us to show us how to live and love like him. He endured the realities of living on this broken earth. Jesus saw crucifixions, governments vying for control, and all the hardships people faced because of these conditions. He showed us it is possible to love others as you love yourself equally when you love God first and foremost. The conditions in the world didn’t change his example of perfect love.

Christ’s Peace Comes From Clarity and a Path

The enemy lives in the dark spaces between the truth of God we know and what we don’t know in his word or how our faith is worked out. Jesus told us that we error because we don’t know the word of God or his power. (Matt 22:29) The problem with not knowing or assuming something opens us up to being deceived. To add to many Christian’s confusion is the fact that we are not shown a clear path to understand what the peace of Jesus is, how it works, what we need to do with Jesus to let it flow.

3 Peace Disruptors

The depth of our peace correlates to the depth of our relationship with Jesus Christ.

Event Book Launch

Book Launch for Quest for Exceptional Love Book and Work […]

Christ’s Peace can Calm the Visible and Invisible Aspects of Our Life

Christ’s words reveal that we will have visible and invisible storm elements in our lives from time to time. Some storms are expected, and we can see them coming. Other storms just pop up because we live in this broken world.

3 Aspects of Christ’s Peace

Christ’s peace is always flowing through us, even if we can’t feel it or we don’t think it is there. When we accepted the salvation of Jesus, we received all of him, not certain aspects. However, we must choose to work with him.

We Can Eliminate Abuse in Relationships

We can only love others and let them love us from the love design we know. We can only do what we know until we learn and do something different.

Surrendering My Strategies and Plans to God

To be honest, I didn’t know I was responsible for seeking God with all of my heart and work with Jesus to discover his ways. I was still in the mindset and beliefs that I wasn’t as important to God as other people. I believed this lie because I didn’t know God’s truth or my identity in Christ. I was living out what I knew.

3 Keys to Live in Christ’s Resurrection

He has risen! Christ is alive! These words were announced […]

Living in the Unstoppable Hope of Christ During Challenging Times

I knew if Jesus could endure the cross for me and come back to life, then he would help me. Choosing to trust Jesus and to trust God helped me experience living in Christ’s hope. Without trusting and loving them, living in unstoppable hope was not possible.

Precautions and Facts about Abuse During the Corona Pandemic

When you live with an abusive person, your attempts to draw healthy boundaries or to confront the person’s “meanness” can result in further or more severe abuse. Now that we are living in isolation, the abuse can become more extreme.
However, you have the power to

Living in Christ’s power isn’t about controlling others or every situation. It is about living and obeying God like he did every day. His power looks for opportunities to serve, to love, and to be his message.

Loving Like Christ

When you decide to be a disciple of Christ, you are choosing to learn, grow, surrender, obey, and change anything that doesn’t look, sound, or resemble Christ’s attitudes, beliefs, or behaviors.

Love After Valentine’s Day

When we operate from our broken love design, we can believe these lies and allow others to disrespect, hurt, manipulate, or abuse us. Victims of abuse need to know these verses are a picture of the love we give and receive. Christ’s love NEVER includes abuse.

Christ’s True Love has Healthy Boundaries

Christians must not confuse forgiveness or being understanding with accepting excuses for disrespectful, sinful, or abusive behavior. It’s easy to fall into this trap when you feel love-starved, and the person plays on your empathy with excuses, guilt, or blame. In fact, excuses and blame reveal their choice to avoid owning their feelings, words, choices, actions, consequences, and lack of godly repentance.

True Love is Gratefulness

We can’t stop the challenges or trials we face on this broken earth, whether we are disciples of Jesus or we choose to do life without him. The question is, will you choose to have his true love in your life guiding you, strengthening you, and empowering you to have a grateful heart? Or will you choose to let bitterness and unforgiveness overshadow Christ’s, true love?

The Chicken or the Egg or the Words or the Thoughts; Which Comes First?

If we expect to automatically think and speak like Jesus, after accepting him into our lives, we do not understand God’s definition and design of our faith.

3 Aspects to a New Start

Every new start comes from an ending. When you find yourself in a challenging and painful place, look for the new beginning God has planned for you.

Who You Are is Not What You Do

To find our original created identity, we must find the truth in God’s word. We must know the origin of our identity. Who made us? How we are made, and why?

3 Easy Guides to Live in Christ’s Joy

When we begin our walk with Jesus, many of us are not taught how to study God’s word, how to pray and praise him, and how to create or grow in a personal relationship with Jesus.

3 Empowerment’s Through Christ

However, we are responsible for learning how to live through Christ and to be transformed into his likeness in our lives. Jesus doesn’t automatically show us how to live for him. He waits for us to seek him and to walk hand in hand with him as we learn.

Miracle of Unfailing Love

Without the miracle of the birth of Jesus, we would not have the ability to live in Christ as he lives in us while we live in our imperfect human condition on this broken earth.

The Origin of Your Christmas

When you have had an unhappy Christmas in the past, only you can stop allowing your past to dim the wonder of your current and future Christmas with Jesus.

The Greatest Christmas Gift

Our gift of unconditional love, grace, mercy, and forgiveness came in God’s gift of Jesus to us. Without God’s greatest gift of all, we would be doomed now and for eternity.

The Essence of Christmas

When God sent Jesus to earth to live among us, he opened His heavens to us. Jesus is the essence and access of God’s love, joy, peace, and all his other attributes in us. In Christ, we have hope, healing, love, and transforming restoration. The origin and spirit of Christmas is Christ.

Thankful for Your Scars

As I have grown in my relationship with Jesus, I realize that he kept his scars after he rose from the dead to show us that we will endure pain, but with him, we can overcome. The life of Jesus reveals that our scars are not the end of our story.

3 Warnings of an Ungrateful Heart

Practicing being grateful trains our brain to see and to choose to find something to be grateful for. It transforms our inner truth to love others and appreciate them as Jesus loves us now.

Gratefulness and the ‘Good Ship Lollipop’

As a disciple of Christ, stand on this truth. Build your trust in him as you practice being grateful for what Jesus is doing for you today. Train yourself to see all of the good things that happen to you throughout your day.

2 Key Aspects of Love: Kindness and Thankfulness

Even on the cross, Jesus showed kindness toward his mother, Mary, as he gave her to John to care for after his death. We all know this was Christ’s worst day. Yet, he chose to be kind.

Christians can Overcome Domestic Abuse

To have an exceptionally happy marriage, you must partner with Jesus to replace your broken love design with Christ’s exceptional love design. Unless Christ’s love design is the origination, foundation, and compass for your individual love and marriage, you will continue to use hurtful words and unloving attitudes. You and your spouse will continually fight and be frustrated. You will be vulnerable to fall into the cycle of domestic abuse and to pass the devastating behaviors of abuse onto your children.

Verbal Abuse Is Domestic Abuse

The reason we have abuse is because we don’t know about Christ’s true love design and therefore, we are operating from our imperfect definition, ideals, and design of love from the messages we heard, the role models we watched, and the experiences we had. When you choose to be a disciple of Christ through Salvation, you are choosing to be his apprentice. You are committing to learning his ways of love and following them to transform your love design into his.

How to Tell if You are Being Verbally Abused

Verbal abuse usually starts out subtly. Your abusive spouse starts insulting you and if you object, they try to justify their abuse as ‘a joke.’ This form of manipulation is used by bullies, mean girls, and abusers. When the abuser is questioned or held accountable, they turn the tables by telling the victim that they are being too touchy or sensitive. They are deflecting their responsibility and the truth.

Greatest Misunderstood Abuse: Verbal Abuse

Some of us may have grown up believing that we all get angry and say mean things, but as long as we apologize, it’s okay. This belief has a strand of truth. However, when we have this mindset, we are giving ourselves permission to speak unkind words with no consideration for the effect they will have on our victims. All words are created from our heart and it has an intent. God knows the truth even when we try to hide from it.

Facts Christians Need to Know About Domestic Abuse

It’s time for Christ’s disciples to seek to know the true love design of Jesus and to know the types and signs of domestic abuse so that we are not caught unaware. Because we live in this broken world where the devil has influence, we must prepare ourselves with the knowledge of his schemes.

A Secret Weapon of the Enemy

I realized that my whole life had been a quest to find Christ’s true love. I had traded up to lesser abuse with each marriage, while I tried to find Christ’s love through my broken love design.

A Guide to Self-Love in Christ

We can’t earn or prove that we are worthy of being loved, we only need to accept that we are loved unconditionally by Jesus.

3 Healthy Ways to Love Yourself in Christ

When we have grown up in an unhealthy, dysfunctional, or negative environment, we may not realize how we have learned to talk destructively to ourselves, especially when we face a challenge.

Self-Love and Christianity

When you continually let yourself get rundown from serving others, you are not loving yourself.

Let Go of the Self-Blame of Domestic Abuse Through God’s Love and Truth

Let Go of the Self-Blame of Domestic Abuse Through God’s Love and Truth

People who have been in abusive relationships are deceived into […]

Psychological Manipulation

What You Need To Know About Psychological Manipulation

You Can Overcome Challenges Like Jesus

You Can Overcome Challenges Like Jesus

Challenges, trials, and heartaches in life are unavoidable whether you […]

Finding Your True Self in the Loving Presence of God

Finding Your True Self in the Loving Presence of God

In the world of sin and temptations, devout Christians may […]

Learning to Love Yourself after an Abusive Relationship

Learning to Love Yourself after an Abusive Relationship

One of the most frightening and traumatic experiences in life […]

Signs of an Abusive Relationship

5 Signs of an Abusive Relationship

Abusive relationships can be confusing to spot at the beginning […]

Emotional Dependency

Emotional Dependency: All You Need To Know!

Learning From Your Abuse, Breaking The Chain Of Abuse

Learning From Your Abuse, Breaking The Chain Of Abuse

We can learn something from every experience in life, including […]

5 Common Feelings For Victims Of Abuse

5 Common Feelings For Victims Of Abuse

As a victim of abuse, you will feel a lot […]

14 Key Differences Between Healthy and Unhealthy Relationships

If you have realized a relationship you are currently in is primarily in the unhealthy category, it’s time to see the truth.

5 Things You Can Do To Overcome Your Abuse

5 Things You Can Do To Overcome Your Abuse

If you’ve ever been through an abusive relationship, there are […]

3 Reasons Why Christians Can Choose Unhealthy Relationships

If you are like me, and you never learned about healthy relationships, or you didn’t have healthy role models, there’s no way for you to discern unhealthy manipulation camouflaged in compliments, gifts, or continual time with the person.

Cost of Unhealthy Boundaries or Empowerment of Healthy Boundaries in Christ

“Turn the other cheek, forgive everyone, and pretend nothing happened; […]

Final Two Key Aspects of Healthy Boundaries in Christ

“I just want someone to take care of me.” This […]

Key Aspects of Healthy Boundaries in Christ: 1 and 2

What are your boundaries? How have they protected you? Ready […]

Key Truth About Healthy Boundaries in Christ

Why do people need boundaries? If we only acted in […]

Ignite Your Awareness of Christ’s Exceptional Love

I took my first painting class as a sophomore in […]

5 Elements of Christ’s Exceptional Love

“99% of the mass of the human body is made […]

Discover Christ’s Exceptional Love Design

If you have struggled to feel truly loved, you are not alone. There’s nothing wrong with you. Don’t be fooled by the mind fog, confusion, and lies of the enemy that you’re not worthy to be loved.

Where to Find Perfect Love

Until we discover how to let Christ’s perfect love flow in us and work through us, we can be easily deceived into thinking we just need to find our “perfect love,” in another person.

3 Reasons Why You Are Living

You are a ‘new creation’ in Christ. You will be different than people who are not walking in Christ’s light of love, joy, truth, grace, and peace.

How to Find Your Value?

Your true value comes from who made you and whose identity you stand in. The only way to see your priceless value is to learn Christ’s truth and partner with him.

#1 Need: To Feel Loved

Whether you grew up in a loving home or you didn’t, you may struggle to feel you are worthy to be loved or that you are truly loved.

Guide to Finding Safety and Provision in Christ

I had to live like I believed God was good and He had the best plans for me and my children; MORE than the fear I felt, the questions I had, and the uncertain circumstances I faced.

Secret Guide to Our 5 Invisible Needs

If someone asked you to write down what you need […]

How to Thrive in Your Unique Identity

Even after believers are saved, most of them don’t learn who they are in Christ.

Uncover the Truth: Your Identity’s Not from the World’s Value

I began to understand that my identity didn’t come from the conditions of my birth, what people said, how I felt, the experiences I had, or the value others placed on me.

Cracking the “Who You Are” Code

When you believe your identity originates or it is determined by imperfect people (including yourself), you will constantly feel a need to prove yourself, fix yourself, or punish yourself.

Top 3 Questions About Lust from Christians

Although lust starts as a thought, you must keep thinking on it for it to become a temptation.

Domestic Abuse - God's Transforming Grace

Love Fantasy and Domestic Abuse

Choosing to stay in my first thirteen-year abusive marriage almost ended in my death and my ex-husband’s death. Love fantasies are destructive, unwise, and deadly.

Faith Fantasies - God's Transforming Grace

How Faith Fantasies Affect Your Love Design

When you only see love through the lens of your broken love design, it skews your understanding of Christ’s love. Through your broken love, you may create a faith fantasy to cope or to control your unhealthy or hurtful relationships

Lust Fantasy - God's Transforming Grace

Lust Fantasies: The Hook and the Truth

Feeling loved is the hope, wish, and dream of every person on this earth. Fantasy fuels your dream that if you had “a perfect man” who always thinks your beautiful, who doesn’t see any of your faults, and who will always do what you want, your life would be great.

Love Design - God's Transforming Grace

Change Your Love Design: Change Your Life

Whenever you wake up, you will experience change. You can’t stop change, and you can’t stop your body from dying. Change in your life will come.

Toxic Love - God's Transforming Grace

7 Signs of a Toxic Love

Depending on the dynamics, standards, and version of love you grew up with you may not realize Christ’s love design. You may have accepted that being disrespected, blamed, shamed, and abused is normal when the person apologizes.

Love - God's Transforming Grace

What Does Love Mean to You?

The first step to changing your design of love is to realize that your design is broken and unhealthy. The next step is to find a love design that is pure, respectful, and honoring and to live in this design.

Love - God's Transforming Grace

Code for Love

Although you can’t instantly wipe your broken love design clean like the memory in a corrupted computer, you can choose a new code for your broken love design to follow.

Love Definition - God's Transforming Grace

New Year: New Definition of Love?

I love spaghetti, I love music, and I love you; […]

Spirit of Christmas - God's Transforming Grace

Keep the Contagious Spirit of Christmas

Christmas is the only holiday when people and communities are focused on being compassionate, generous, and caring for friends as well as strangers.

Christmas - God's Transforming Grace

3 Choices for a Happy Christmas

Choose to celebrate Christ’s birthday OR your past experiences. Intentionally choose to keep your focus and joy on Jesus and not on the world’s choice to fill it with self-absorbed reasons.

Thanksgiving - God's Transforming Grace

Pendulum of Thanksgiving

When abusers show their good side, it reminds their victims of what they fell for, and it brings FALSE hope. The victims wants her abusive husband to be healed and her marriage to be all she had hoped for.

Mother-in-Law - God's Transforming Grace

Difficult Mother-in-Law: What to do at Thanksgiving?

The first truth you must face is about your difficult mother-in-law is that you have NO control over what she will say or do. However, you don’t have to allow her to be abusive to you or your children in any way.

Fall Season - God's Transforming Grace

Fall Season: Comforting or a Whirlwind?

Many people love the season of fall and embrace the change. Other people become more stressed and uptight when there are any changes in their life. In their struggle to go with the flow, they have a hard time seeing the gifts of joy.

Chruches - God's Transforming Grace

3 Ways Churches can Support Victims of Domestic Abuse in Their Congregation

The people in our congregations, Christ’s people, are hurting and confused. They don’t know where to find help to understand how Christ’s design of love is different than theirs.

Christian Wife - God's Transforming Grace

Ultimate Plea of an Abused Christian Wife

Many Christian marriages are struggling to find happiness and fulfillment. They love each other, they go to church together, they pray together, but they can’t seem to stop fighting or being frustrated. Some of these marriages may be in an abusive cycle without knowing it.

Christian Boyfriend - God's Transforming Grace

13 Red Flags Your Christian Boyfriend or Spouse is Abusive

Giving your heart to someone is the most precious and intimate gift you can give them because Christ lives in you. For this reason, you must make sure the person you give your heart to will love you in Christ’s design of love and marriage.

Abusive Christian Husbands - God's Transforming Grace

#1 Scripture Used by Abusive Christian Husband’s

Submission must be given. Submission doesn’t mean women do not have a voice, opinion, or influence on our husbands. Submission does not mean we are slaves and obligated to do whatever our husbands want; especially if it is abusive or goes against the morals and character of Christ.

Relationships - God's Transforming Grace

3 Abusive Phrases That Destroy Your Relationship

The frequency and level of abuse may change, but the certainty of being abused will not. When you are with an abusive person, they will continue to do what they know until they choose to learn and act in healthy ways.

Jesus - God's Transforming Grace

Jesus Forgives Betrayal

“How could you betray me?” I asked this question to […]

Christian Marriage - God's Transforming Grace

3 Red Flags to Head Off Trouble in Your Christian Marriage

We all do what we know, and we measure up to what we have come to accept as okay or “normal.” When you do not know or understand how to use Christ’s heart and character as your definition and design of love, you will use what you know.

Faith - God's Transforming Grace

What to Do with Bad Choices Through Faith

Our faith in Christ requires us to trust him no matter what people say, how things look, or how we feel.

Truths - God's Transforming Grace

5 Truths You Can Find in Your Desert

The longer I go without the living waters of peace from Jesus the worse my internal condition becomes and my external challenges look. I feel like I am caught in a dirt-devil depleting my strength, resources, and faith. When you sense your peace in Christ is being disrupted, stop and go to Jesus for direction. He promises to walk with you as he leads you in his peace. Trust him and keep praying or trying new steps until you feel his peace.

Secrets - God's Transforming Grace

STOP the Cancer of Hurtful Secrets

There is a darkness around secrets that will remain until they are brought into Christ’s light. Darkness is where the devil and all evil secrets and schemes have the ability to keep you imprisoned.

People - God's Transforming Grace

People Versus Things (3 Questions to Ask Yourself)

When our “normal” is unhealthy and promotes using people to get what you want, you become a disrespectful user and often an abuser of people.  Likewise, women who grow up in this unhealthy environment come to believe is it “normal” and expected for them to be used and live their life as a victim if they are to be loved.

Priceless - God's Transforming Grace

$10, 1 Million, or Priceless: How Much Are You Worth?

I was never taught how I was deceived by my childhood thoughts, beliefs, mistakes, and life experiences concerning my value. I discovered these lies, and my self-worth began being transformed when I consistently studied God’s word. My understanding deepened as my relationship with Christ flourished. I became devoted to learning what it means to let Jesus be the originator of my value and to live like I believed him.

Identity - God's Transforming Grace

Authentic or Imitation (What are You?)

For most of my childhood, I tried being a “perfect little girl” so I would be noticed and loved by my parents. In my teens, I tried to fit into the clicks by partying. In my thirteen-year abusive marriage, I tried to be what my abusive ex-husband kept telling me to be. You see, I know first-hand how easy it is to be deceived into believing you are not enough. I bought the lie of the devil that I had to be what someone else wanted me to be to feel loved. What deceptions are you caught in right now?

Abusive Husband - God's Transforming Grace

I’ve Left My Abusive Husband, Now What?

God is NOT mad at you. His will is not for you to be hurt or abused by your husband.

Freedom - God's Transforming Grace

Dependence is Freedom

History shows us that when imperfect people use their independence to get what they desire without any consideration of others and a foundation of love and honor, the result is hurt, abuse, and devastation.

Surrender - God's Transforming Grace

Surrender is Not Defeat

The process of surrender is constant and requires you to be intentional. Ever present is our flesh self-will wanting to do things “our way” and in “our time.” However, our way is the opposite of trusting and surrendering to Jesus.

Feel Loved - God's Transforming Grace

I Just Want to Feel Loved

If you are looking for love in all the wrong places and still feeling love-starved, why not look to Jesus through a personal relationship. The only way to change the love in your life is to CHANGE what you have been doing. Transformational changes take place in the renewing your mind and heart through Christ Jesus. These changes empower you to intentionally choose your thoughts, words, attitudes, and actions to mirror his.

Opportunity - God's Transforming Grace

Is Your Problem an Opportunity?

Unfortunately, many Christians have not been taught how to use Christ’s strength in them to help them face and overcome their problems. Jesus shows us the importance of acknowledging, examining, and the steps necessary to overcome our problems through his love, example, and scripture.

We all start out as infants using our emotions and cries to alert others to our basic needs. Some of you have never grown out of the emotional reactionary demand for what we desire, want, or need, especially if people have always given into you. You may think you have control over others but in the end, you are an emotional mess. The truth is, your emotions have made a slave of you. The good news is, you can learn a new empowering mindset and behavior to free yourself from using your out-of-control emotional reactions.

Happy Life - God's Transforming Grace

I Just Want to Be Happy!

However, most of us try to figure out how to be happy on our own. We use what we know from our beliefs, mindsets, and experiences. If you grew up in a negative, hurtful, or abusive environment, you might have come to believe happiness is rare, circumstantial, and short-lived. Some of you may also believe you were not meant to or deserve to be happy from the messages and treatment you received from others.

All your messages, beliefs, and experiences have combined throughout your life to create your unique definition and understanding of happiness. Then it is filtered through your personality and tendency to be optimistic or pessimistic.

Love Chapter - God's Transforming Grace

What is the Love Chapter?

Without knowing God’s true meaning, I interpreted this chapter through the imperfect lens of my broken love experiences. My misguided understanding of love twisted my mindset. I saw love as me giving my all, while my spouse enjoyed it. I didn’t have equal expectations for the way he treated me. In this mindset, I saw the success or failure of my marriage as my sole responsibility. My one-sided and love-starved mindset and misunderstanding of God’s design for love and marriage made me vulnerable to become a victim of domestic abuse.

The primary trap for me was the illusion that my husband loved me, especially since I felt love-starved. The reason I stayed and kept trying to make my marriage work was my commitment to God in my marriage vows. I knew I had to give God and my husband my all. With my twisted understanding of love, I continued to be abused for thirteen years.

Recipe for Love - God's Transforming Grace

What is Your Recipe for Love?

I never realized God created the perfect recipe, design, and aspects of love until I was in my thirties. No one ever told me, and I wouldn’t be surprised if no one told you. After several abusive marriages ending in divorce, I began to study the life of Jesus. He showed me his love is not a feeling. His pure love “is” the substance of all of God’s goodness and it “does” everything to honor Him, others, and yourself. Just as I needed the right ingredients to successfully bake mom’s cake recipe, I needed to know Christ’s recipe for love to live in each aspect.
Christ’s characteristics, words, and actions helped me understand what my thoughts, words, attitudes, and actions will look like when I love as he does. It also revealed what a marriage looks like in his design with gentleness, kindness, and selflessness. His love revealed the flaws I had unknowingly created in my definition of love.

Women hurts - God's Transforming Grace

Who is Accountable for Blowing Up?

My mindset led me to accept it was “normal” for a woman to expect to be punished if she provoked her husband’s anger. The enemy loves to twist a strand of truth with rationalizations, excuses, and entitlement in your mind to justify why someone who professes to love you, would hurt you. I didn’t realize that my marriage focused on making my husband happy to avoid making him mad, instead of love. At this point in my life, I didn’t know about God’s design of love and marriage.

Confusion of Love - God's Transforming Grace

Cutting Through the Confusion of Love

One of the hardest things for me to accept and practice was the reality that this list was meant for me to follow and it is also the standards for which I was to receive love from others. God’s second commandment for me to love others as I love myself placed the loving relationship between two people on equal standards.

Abuse is NEVER Pure Love

Jesus NEVER allowed anyone to abuse him until he gave himself to be the sacrifice for our sins. Being Christ-like is to imitate him. We are not called to let people abuse us but to love us in the pure substance of Christ’s love living in and flowing through us.

Umbrella of Protection - God's Transforming Grace

You Have an Umbrella of Protection

There have been many times growing up when I wished I could have pulled out my umbrella to shield myself from the storms of life. Unlike my fun in the rain as a little girl, real-life challenges have proven to be anything but fun. They also seem to come in their timing and not by your choice. As a young adult, when I faced challenges, I tried to protect myself and to find my own solutions while praying for God to help me.

However, as I have grown in a deeper understanding of Christ through our evolving relationship, I realize he is my shield of protection. He needs to be the first thing I cling to and not my thoughts or plans. Jesus himself told us we would face trials on this broken earth in our imperfect bodies. Our trials help us see the depth of our faith and what we need to work on in partnership with him. When I dwell with Jesus and allow him to direct my steps, I can rest at peace in his provision, protection, and abounding love in the midst of life’s storms. Living in faith doesn’t mean that a storm will go away unless Jesus chooses to calm my storm. It means Jesus is my umbrella and I am never alone. As I hold on to him, he keeps my sight clear and focused on his love and solutions as we walk through the storms of life together.

Knowing Jesus - God's Transforming Grace

What Does it Mean to Know Jesus?

My revelation of knowing and trusting Jesus lives in me frees me to stop focusing on how I will live my day; to how Jesus and I, will live our day. I know my union with Christ isn’t some thought I choose to believe or proclaim, it is now my spiritual DNA. Once you KNOW there is no separation from Jesus; Christ becomes the point of origin for all your thoughts, emotions, and actions. Your motive in and through Christ is to come from his pure love.

Superpowers Within - God's Transforming Grace

Who is the Superhero Living in You?

You may not be able to call down a thunderbolt from the sky or to shrink to the size of an ant or to deflect bullets from your bracelets of gold. However, you may have the superpower of friendliness, to talk to anyone because they feel comfortable with you. You may have the superpower of a generous heart, continually finding ways to bless people. You may have the superpower of laughter, making people laugh where ever you go. All of these are an example of specific superpowers most of us don’t even recognize. What would your life look like if you recognized and lived in your superpowers every day? How would your mind, relationships, and life change?

Fresh Beginnings - God's Transforming Grace

Create Your Fresh Beginning

You cannot run before you roll over or crawl and you cannot skip the steps of healing. You will need to cross the paradigm bridge from where you are to your fresh beginning of living in Christ’s design of love. Your healing will be much like a chick breaking out of its shell or a butterfly breaking free from its cocoon.

Handling Change - God's Transforming Grace

How Do You Handle Change?

If you struggle to embrace or adapt to change, I encourage you to investigate what makes you uncomfortable. As long as you are alive, you’ll never be free from change or challenges.

Promises of Spring - God's Transforming Grace

Discover the Promises of Spring

Every season during the year brings challenges, blessings, and changes to us and our environment. Each season reveals the condition of our health as we mature in life. Likewise, we can see the condition of our faith with the internal challenges of a season.

Overcome Lifes Winds - God's Transforming Grace

You Can Walk Through Life’s Winds

We will all face storms on this broken earth and in our imperfectness. When you let your emotions and the winds or storms in your life overshadow the power and faithfulness of Jesus Christ in you, you will feel like you are sinking. Always remember, you are in charge of your emotions and your thoughts. Only you can choose to stand on the promise of Jesus because he lives in you. He is always with you no matter where you go and how you feel.

Truths of Dr. Seuss - God's Transforming Grace

Youer Than You, Celebrating the Truths of Dr. Seuss

The greatest truth for you to know is that you don’t have to hide your individuality. You don’t have to follow or become a victim of the world’s self-serving demands, values, and low morals. Only you have the power to choose what to believe about your distinctiveness and who’s moral design you will follow.

God's Love - God's Transforming Grace

How to Recognize God’s Love in Others

In my abusive marriage, my isolation continued. Anytime I would begin to get close to someone my ex-husband would break off the friendship with their spouse or tell them lies so they would stop being my friend. In the midst of surviving I didn’t see the manipulation and reality as abuse because my abusive ex-husband would use this pain to prove there was something wrong with me. When I made my decision to leave my marriage, I found myself with many opportunities to make new friends, but I didn’t know how to find healthy friends.

Living in Christs Love - God's Transforming Grace

How to Tell if You Are Living in Christ’s Love

Living in Christ’s love involves all the aspects of our imperfect human condition filtered and transformed through the pure love of Jesus in us. Loving our enemies or people who profess to love us, doesn’t mean we need to volunteer to let them hurt us. In fact, if they truly love us, they would love us as Christ did with selfless love.

Marriage - God's Transforming Grace

What is God’s Design of Love and Marriage Verses The Worlds

The world defines marriage as a try-out relationship between any combination of male and female. The world’s idea of marriage is based on self-gratification, personal preference, and it can be terminated for any reason. Starting any relationship with these elements as its foundation sets the relationship up for failure automatically. In fact, God tells us specifically how we are to treat each other in Christ’s love within our marriage. He also talks about divorce in the Bible. As our creator, God knows we will twist His definition of marriage to meet our selfish, sinful desires. However, this doesn’t change His design for marriage and the characteristics we should reveal as a Christ-follower in our marriage.

Definition of Love - God's Transforming Grace

How to Uncover Your Definition of Love

The billions of accepted imperfect truths about love and marriage are the ultimate playground for the devil. He loves to invite you to get on the merry-go-round of trying to fix yourself. You spin around with the hope that being what he wants will magically make him stop hurting you and love you. The enemy uses your swinging emotions to lure victims on the monkey-bars of blame. He makes you believe everything is your responsibility to carry and move along, and it’s your fault if anything goes wrong. The devil loves to place you on the see-saw of a few good moments to keep you fantasizing your abuser is secretly a loving person amidst all the pain you experience daily.

God's Perfection - God's Transforming Grace

Being Perfect Won’t Change Your Abuser

If God doesn’t require you to be perfect or something you are not, then it’s not God’s design for your spouse, who professes to love you, to demand perfection from you. You alone have the power to choose what you believe as your truth.

Spiritual gifts - God's Transforming Grace

Discover the Resources Within You and Overcome

After all my loose papers were in the right pile, I organized and prioritized them. I chose to take all my chaos and turn it into an opportunity to take inventory. After my clean up session, I knew what resources I had or needed, what I had done, and what I needed to do. I felt like I had not only cleaned my office, but I had cleared my mind. With a clear head, I found new strength and determination to continue my mission for the day with clear purpose.

Overcome Your Anxiety, Fear, And Powerlessness In Your Hurtful Relationship. Are You Being Abused?

I spent thirteen years in an abusive marriage to a “Christian” man because I believed if I separated from him or divorced him, God would be mad at me and not forgive me. I was in the same place many of you are right now—confused, and uncertain.

Financially Stable - God's Transforming Grace

How to Make Sure You’re Financially Stable in the Future

Many Christians take the stand that the woman shouldn’t work. However, in this day and age, it often takes both the husband and wife to work to live above the poverty level. I look at the verses in Proverbs 31. God’s word describes the wife with activities including purchasing materials, buying property, planting vineyards, doing business which includes managing people, and also taking care of her family. Women must be prepared to become the sole provider due to unexpected death, abandonment, or divorce. To ensure you are prepared to be the sole provider, you’ll need to figure out what you like to do and what skills you need to learn to build a career.

Control your emotions - God's Transforming Grace

How to Take Control of Your Emotions

If you choose to continue to let your emotions lead your mind and decision, you will be like a hamster in her exercise wheel running aimlessly going nowhere. All of the negative emotions listed at the top will continue to increase and intensify leaving you more confused and feeling powerless. They will take over any positive emotions, and you’ll be left with depression and anxiety that will show up in your physical condition as panic attacks, stomach issues, or addiction to ease your pain.

Dream - God's Transforming Grace

Dreams are Possibilities, but Fantasies are Dangerous

Even when you achieve a dream, it may not necessarily happen the way you wished it would.

Birth of Jesus - God's Transforming Grace

Jesus Our Savior is Born!

Only Mary and Joseph knew Jesus was the Son of […]

Christmas Season - God's Transforming Grace

How to Avoid Disappointment and Frustration This Christmas Season

Family dynamics, especially where abuse has happened or is currently happening, are often challenging and hard on a normal day, let alone the Holidays. To avoid and even prevent disappointment, let’s look at the definition of expectation.

Create Hallmark Moments - God's Transforming Grace

How to Create Hallmark Moments in the Middle of Abuse

Every day you use your power to make decisions, both big and small. To make Hallmark moments for you and your children, you’ll have to decide to focus on the reason for Christmas—the hope and love of Jesus Christ

Focus on Your Promising Savior - God's Transforming Grace

Focus on Your Promising Savior—Look for Your Star of Bethlehem

Christmas became my opportunity to hold on to my hope of God’s promises and rejoice that I was not alone. I kept looking for my Star of Bethlehem to find my way through my traverse life. I knew deep in my heart and spirit that abuse was not God’s will for my life or my children, but I didn’t know how to find my way out.

Triumphant Power of Thankfulness - God's Transforming Grace

Triumphant Power of Thankfulness

Thankfulness helps you keep your eyes on God, the one who created you, and Jesus, the one who proved you were worth dying for. Gratefulness keeps Jesus in front of your emotions while it keeps him greater than your circumstances.

Happy Thanksgiving - God's Transforming Grace

Thanksgiving Acronym to Keep You Encouraged

I didn’t realize when I was asking God my questions from my heart; I was praying. Once I starting speaking my prayers out loud, I felt like I was finally being real with Jesus. I wanted him to know my pain, anger, fear, and confusion. I needed to be real and not pretend with him like I did with other people in my life.

Gratefulness and Hapiness notepad - God's Transforming Grace

What’s on Your Thanksgiving Menu?

It’s easy to get overwhelmed and sucked into the dark survival mode in an abusive marriage or relationship.  What if you could use a recipe to create times of joy and hope this Thanksgiving for you and your children. Do you have anything to lose?

Message picture - God's Transforming Grace

Abuse and the Narcissistic Man

Without understanding the truth about God’s design for love and marriage which exclude abuse, she feels trapped by her marriage vow under God.

Jesus our savior - God's Transforming Grace

Stop the Pandemic of Spouse Abuse in the Church

God’s people or the Church is called to rise up and be part of the solution to stop the pandemic of abuse and domestic violence. Without injecting God’s truth, transforming grace, support for healing, and discipleship training, the devil will continue to destroy individuals, marriages, families, churches, communities, and countries. Loving others “IS” to help our abused sisters and abusive brothers overcome their deceptions and infiltration of the enemy.

couple picture - God's Transforming Grace

When “I’m Sorry” Is a Twisted Lie?

The lies of the abuser can make the Christian victim even more confused if she doesn’t know the truth about God’s love for her. He uses parts of scripture to manipulate and guilt her into believing his “sorry” means she must act like nothing happened to prove she forgives him.

Message picture - God's Transforming Grace

Is Being Understanding About Abuse Biblical?

Jesus instructed us to forgive those who hurt us. However, he did not tell women to understand or allow ourselves to be hurt, humiliated, manipulated, a doormat, or controlled by our Christian husband. In fact, God’s loving design for marriage is for a husband to love their wife and treat her as if she was Christ himself.

Message picture - God's Transforming Grace

The Silent Pandemic of Native American Women

“While missing person statistics are compiled for every other demographic, none exist for Native American women.”

Message picture - God's Transforming Grace

8.3 Billion Annual Business Buster

Abuse cannot be turned off in your mind at work, especially when 73% of abused women are harassed by their abuser at work. Between their harassment at work and the abuse they receive at home, 21 to 60% of abused women lose their jobs stemming from abuse.

Message picture - God's Transforming Grace

The Venus Fly Trap of Sin

This illustration parallels the believer’s decision to walk around the edges of temptation as the devil is our Venus flytrap. Like the plant which emits a scent and a blue glow to lure flies into its mouth, the devil makes sin look fun and gratifying.

Message picture - God's Transforming Grace

The Riddle of Time as a Child of God

God moves in looped time with His purpose and plan for us to all have the opportunity to spend eternity with Him.

Message picture - God's Transforming Grace

How to Recognize When Charisma is Corrupt

To recognize when charisma is infected with evil, and it becomes corrupt, you will need to understand the pure origin versus the definition of charisma. 

Animal picture - God's Transforming Grace

What is a Heilan’ Coo?

Adventures and discoveries often go hand in hand when you travel.

landscape picture - God's Transforming Grace

From Castles to Jets

The rich mixture of Scotland’s history reminds me how every place, belief, and person is the result of what came before.

Message picture - God's Transforming Grace

Do You Know Your Love Language With Jesus?

Is it any wonder the ways I experienced and understood the world’s definition of love were the exact ways the enemy wounded me?

sculpture - God's Transforming Grace

Amazing Sculpture of Michelangelo

What is God chipping away in your life to reveal the masterpiece He created you to be?

woman in mud - God's Transforming Grace

The Slimy Pit of Abuse

When you are in a pit, you hear familiar voices the loudest. If these voices are the imperfect people who devastate your spirit and heart, or they are your self-criticism, it is hard to hear the voice of Jesus telling you he loves you.

message picture - God's Transforming Grace

Epic Formula to Win Over Evil: An Old Cherokee Tale of Two Wolves

It is vital for you to understand each aspect of your soul and how it affects your life or you are making your soul, your spiritual heart’s core, your core needs, and your identity vulnerable to the enemy.

dog - God's Transforming Grace

How to Survive the Winds of Life

The winds of life swirl to and fro inside and outside wherever you go. You can not run, and you can not hide. How can you face them and live to thrive?

sick woman - God's Transforming Grace

How Sickness Can Increase Your Faith

We all face sickness but some of us, like my mother, lived in a continual state of illness in her mind and body. Some days it was a feat for her to get out of bed and get dressed. However, one of the most amazing character traits she emanated was her ability to be grateful and not complain.

message picture - God's Transforming Grace

How to Live in the Magic of Disneyland Every Day With Jesus

Disneyland has been called the “happiest place on earth,” and I would agree it is one of them. However, once you leave the park, how will you keep your dreams, creativity, and pursue all you can be in this broken world?

woman working - God's Transforming Grace

How to Prevent a Project from Going Wrong

When I believed I knew better than the plans created for a project or I skimped on cost by not using good quality, I made a wreck of my project. The same reality is true when I have ignored, altered, or skimped on God’s plans for me. In fact, some of my choices have almost destroyed me.

man working - God's Transforming Grace

What You Need to Know About the Cornerstone of Your Life

If you do not attend a church, or you have not been taught by a mature believer how to keep Jesus as the cornerstone of your life, you will not know about your faith responsibilities, challenges, defenses, or consequences.

old couple - God's Transforming Grace

5 Signs You Might be Turning Into a Difficult Person

5 Signs You Might be Turning into a Difficult Person. Would you want your exact twin to take care of you?

puzzle - God's Transforming Grace

Tips for Putting Your Life’s Puzzle Together

I tried to force a piece of my life to fit my agenda at all cost. My self-focused decisions and stubbornness resulted in frustration, pain, and strife.

message picture - God's Transforming Grace

Break the Myth of Perfection and Following God

God’s love is not dependent upon your performance or aim for perfection. He is most interested in your love and heart.

family - God's Transforming Grace

Where to Find Light in the Dark Places of Life

Have you ever had an exhilarating day and then received […]

message picture - God's Transforming Grace

What to do With Your Question . . Why?

You know the favorite question of a three-year-old—why? Why do […]

Animal affection - God's Transforming Grace

Unique Definition of Motherhood

The miracle of birth has touched everyone, even Jesus. We all come into this world from a mother’s womb. Some of us are primarily raised by the one who birthed us, and some of us have come to know the bond between our heart and a woman who loves and nurtures us as our mother. God decided to bless me with four mothers in my life:

sun energy picture - God's Transforming Grace

Does Faith in Jesus Automatically Fix Everything?

Have you ever wondered why faith does not automatically fix […]

message picture - God's Transforming Grace

Are Your Excuses Enslaving You?

The Dictionary’s definition of an excuse is:  To provide a reason or explanation for somebody’s behavior that makes it appear more acceptable or less offensive; justification; a false reason; a bad example.

father and son - God's Transforming Grace

What Does it Mean to Follow Jesus?

Have you ever bought into someone offering you a new theory or quick fix? They profess that if you believe and follow their plans, you can experience their results. Unfortunately, some of us follow them blindly only to discover their theories or promises are deceptive, unsustainable, and even harmful.

Jesus picture - God's Transforming Grace

Jesus Is Alive

These three words make it possible for whosoever believes and accepts Jesus as their Savior, to have a new heart, mind, and life. Only the promise of God and the sacrifice of Jesus made it possible for the spirit of Jesus to live in us and transform us.

Our Savior and the Kingdom of Heaven

Have you ever wondered if Jesus knew how his life […]

Guard Your Peace

Have you ever clicked a new tab at the top […]

Are You Speaking Words of Life or Death?

My mom never went to college, but you would never […]

Is Swankles a Word?

The Oxford Dictionary editors add approximately 1000 words a year. […]

Fear of Flying or Fear of Dying—Which One is It?

“The air up in the clouds is very pure and […]

Don’t Wait quote

Faith is–quote

Love Yourself–Quote

Magnify–Song by We Are Messangers

Magnify I’ve been trying to make sense of the sorrow […]

Make Today Count–Quote

Fearless–Song by Jasmine Murray

Fearless I wake upI feel itThose fears are back againCan’t […]

Monkey Bars of Life–Quote C.S. Lewis

Right Track–Quote

Never Been A Moment–song by Micah Tyler

Never Been A Moment I’ve been sinnerI’ve been a saintA […]

Have You Ever Wanted to Be a Hermit Crab?

Beep, beep . . . beep, beep . . . […]

F.E.A.R. Has Two Meanings–Quote