My Personal Story
When I was fifteen, I was date raped and left in an abandoned lot. I walked home in the dark believing I would find comfort and protection from my dad. But when my dad saw me, he took me to the back bedroom and looked at me in disgust. He asked me what I did to make my boyfriend hurt me. Then he said, “you are goods now so I’m not sure how you will ever find good love.” My heart shattered into a billion pieces. In this moment of despair, I subconsciously decided to believe my dad’s comments that I was “used goods and unworthy of good love.”
At eighteen, my high school sweetheart asked me to marry him, I accepted his proposal because I didn’t believe I would get another chance to be loved. I knew he could get upset at times, but I believed our love would make our future better.
Three days into our marriage he began degrading me. The abuse and his alcoholism escalated and continued for thirteen years. After our thirteenth anniversary, I decided to stand up for myself and our children.
I woke up remembering him lunging at me, gripping my throat as everything went black. I laid perfectly still and listened to make sure he wasn’t there. When I realized I was alone, I jumped up enraged with him, at myself, and God. I prayed for years for God to stop the abuse, but nothing changed. In despair, I screamed, “God, either you end the abuse tonight, or I will.”
I went to the gun cabinet and took out a shotgun. I loaded it and sat in the chair across from the back door, waiting for my husband to come home. Pictures of him hurting me over the last thirteen years flashed in my mind while his degrading comments played like a record in the background. There were no more tears left, only rage and darkness with a vow that he would never touch me again.
The next thing I remember was slowly opening my eyes as the sun rays beamed through the window in back the door. I tried to rub my eyes, but my hands were pinned down by the shotgun. Immediately, I heard a voice whisper to my spirit, “I’ve made a way to escape, take it. This isn’t love.”
I realized God had made a way to stop the abuse, and I ran to the counsel of a Pastor whose daughter had just divorced her abusive husband. He had me read the marriage passages in Ephesian from a study Bible. In that moment, I realized the devil had deceived me through my unawareness of God’s word and the misquoting of Scripture about love and marriage.
I knew all the physical abuse my children and I had endured was not God’s will. God’s unveiling truth confirmed that God heard my prayers and He saved me. I knew I could be free with his blessing and He didn’t hate me for divorcing my abusive husband.
All through the separation and divorce, I thanked Jesus for helping me. But I still couldn’t stop the pain of feeling love-starved and unworthy. I went to church, but I wasn’t studying the Bible.
I attended my first year of college when I was thirty-two and I rushed into another marriage with a Christian man. Within three months I realized his faith was a facade for his verbal, mental, and financial abuse. When I took control of the money and I asked him to get help, he filed for divorce.
After my second divorce, you would think I would have stopped believing in love, but I knew I loved Jesus, and he loved me, and this gave me hope. Once again, I met and married another Christian man who loved to have fun. Within five years, I realized he “never wanted to grow up” from smoking pot and being financially irresponsible. After seven years into our marriage, I became determined to overcome what was causing me to choose unhealthy love.
I joined a women’s Bible study at my church and my studies led me to Christ’s love and life. My thirst for Christ’s answers revealed areas of my mind, heart, and soul that needed to be renewed by God’s transforming grace.
As I saw myself as a new creation in Christ, I realized I had believed and lived in other people’s evaluations and messages of me. I saw how the enemy had used my brokenness, my unawareness of domestic abuse, my lack of knowing God’s truth and Christ’s love to lure me into the bondage of living in a false identity and domestic abuse.
Over the next six years I began to understand my Christ-identity and his love. My journey of faith and healing was not immediate or easy, but I kept holding his hand and stepping forward. As I grew healthier with the help of my Christian counselor, I consistently set up healthy boundaries to protect myself. After thirteen years, my third husband said he wouldn’t change, and he walked out.
The end of my third marriage was very different. I didn’t feel love-starved or unworthy anymore because I realized Christ’s love had filled my heart. As I use Christ’s love design as my compass, I stand in confidence, knowing that I am worthy and filled with his true love. For the first time in my life, I knew I was loved and priceless in Christ’s eyes!
It felt good to be alone with Jesus and I was content to be single. However, God chose to bless me with the most amazing man who lives in the character of Christ and he loves me as if I were Christ himself. Our love story is a divine story for later. When you use Christ’s love design as your compass, you never know what he will do for you. I’m living proof that when you partner with Jesus, he can make your messes into his masterpiece, full of his exceptional love!
Christ’s revelations through my life lessons of date-rape, abandonment, 30 years of abusive in three marriages, three divorces, and trauma have created my life’s mission as a Christian speaker and author, to help women find true love through Christ’s exceptional love design. By living in Christ’s love design, they will have healthy, happy, loving marriages and avoid or break free from being caught in the cycle of domestic abuse and domestic violence.
I will proclaim Christ’s exceptional love design and redemption until the day I die because of what he has renewed in my mind, heart, and life. I have no limits on how God chooses to use me to help others with domestic abuse issues as a Christian speaker and author. I strive to help all women find His love and truth and be set free!
My Professional Life
I’m a transformational Christian speaker and author, an expert on domestic abuse and love, a consultant for churches and religious organizations, a Bible teacher, and a champion for abused women.
- I have overcome thirty years of domestic abuse in three marriages that ended in divorce and now I am thriving in a Christ-centered marriage full of his exceptional love.
- I completed the Domestic Violence Training, and I served as a DART (Domestic Abuse Response Team) for Crossroads Safehouse, in Fort Collins, CO.
- I have served as a member of the Women’s Ministry core team at Timberline Church in Colorado since 2012.
- I’m certified as a Life Coach and a Christian Coach. I love to help women partner with Jesus and live in his exceptional love to find happiness, healing, clarity, the strength and courage to pursue their dreams and achieve the specific missions God created them to do.
- I’m a love and domestic abuse Christian speaker and consultant for churches, their staff, and other caregivers. I help them to understand, support, and provide a place of sanctuary for the abused victims in their congregations.
- I have helped and inspired thousands of women through Bible Studies, workshops, retreats, my blog, books, social media and Online courses are coming soon!
DO YOU KNOW ?
1 in 3 women experience abuse in their lifetime. However, Native American women are abused 4 times the national average, and they are 10 times more likely to be murdered.
Abuse and Domestic Violence are the least talked about, addressed, and provided with resources pandemic in the Christian church today.
The cost of intimate partner violence exceeds $8.3 billion per year. Medical costs, physical and mental, make up for 70% of the total.
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