DOMESTIC ABUSE IS NOT TRUE LOVE OR GOD’S WILL!
- How does love turn into domestic abuse?
- How can a Christian marriage be abusive?
- How do you know if you’re being abused?
- What can you do if you discover you are being abused in your Christian marriage?
YOU CAN ONLY LOVE OTHERS AND ALLOW THEM TO LOVE YOU THE WAY YOU KNOW LOVE TO BE. But you can change what you know and transform your love into Christ’s exceptional love design!
~ Darla Colinet
How Imperfect Love Turns into Domestic Abuse
Our marriage all begins with what we have each come to accept as “normal” communication and behaviors. Being a Christian doesn’t make you immune from bringing unhealthy and abusive words, beliefs, and behaviors into your marriage through your broken love design.
Even if both of you have chosen to be disciples of Jesus Christ, your definition of being a disciple and may differ from your partner’s. Your definitions of love may also differ and each of your imperfect love designs may differ. As you spend more time together, your broken love designs collide and turn into a tug-of-war. Many Christian marriages struggle because they don’t realize they are operating from two broken love designs. This may enable a victim or abusive design.
What is Domestic Abuse?
“Domestic abuse is the willful intimidation, coercion, manipulation, battery, physical or sexual assault, and other abusive behavior used in a systematic pattern of power and control over a partner in an intimate relationship. Domestic abuse has been experienced by 47% of the population, (30% women and 17% men).” (National Coalition Against Domestic Violence)
Whether the abuser is male or female, abuse is never acceptable or God’s will. All abusers must choose to change and they will be accountable to Jesus if they do not repent.
Because I am a woman who has overcome abuse, my website, positions the woman as the victim and the male as the abuser. Make no mistake, men are abused too, and I acknowledge their victimization. I intend no disrespect or discounting of their pain.
However, I can only speak from a female’s perspective as that is what I am. If you are a man being abused, the same signs and Christ’s design of healthy love apply to you. You were not created to be abused.
At the beginning of an abusive relationship or marriage, you won’t recognize the signs, especially if you’re feeling love-starved and you haven’t learned about domestic abuse. Here are the five top signs of abuse. (To see more about abuse, see my resource page.)
5 Top Signs of Abuse
- He says he must know where you are and who you are talking to to protect you
- Isolation from friends and family, usually starts slow
- Jealousy with the rationalization he is protecting you
- His compliments turn to cutting or disrespectful comments
- Dual personalities, “Dr. Jekyll, Mr. Hyde.”
Domestic Abuse or Domestic Violence is NOT:
- The will of God or His design for marriage
- Honoring or respecting the holiness and faithfulness of marriage to love one another AS Christ himself
- A sickness, illness, or condition. Abuse is a learned behavior.
- An anger issue
- Upheld by Scripture or the heart, character, teachings, or life of Jesus Christ
- NEVER the fault of the victim
Domestic violence IS A CRIME!
Being a victim of domestic abuse isn’t being persecuted for your faith or belief in Jesus. Domestic abuse is a chosen, hurtful behavior used by your abuser to manipulate and control you. Abuse can include the use of persecution, but that is not the reason for the abuse.
Breaking free from living in the cycle of domestic abuse is a process. Individuals are complex, and the reason they choose to stay, separate, or divorce an abusive spouse is complex. Only you can decide what’s best for you and your children with the wisdom, strength, and freedom of Jesus Christ. (Read more about separation and divorce on my resource page.)
- If you realize that you are in an abusive Christian marriage, it is not your fault, and it is not God’s will. You have been doing what you know. Your covenant of marriage and wedding vows don’t instruct you to let you, the temple of the Holy Spirit, be abused because your spouse feels like it, or he thinks it’s normal.You alone are NOT able or responsible to fix your abuser or your marriage. God needs two willing participants who will surrender to His ways. He will not force you or your spouse to go against the choice to live in their sinful behaviors of abuse. The freedom to say no is pure love and freedom.As disciples of Jesus, each of us is responsible to love, speak to, and treat one another as if they were Christ himself in front of us. Each of us will be held accountable. “And the King will say, ‘I tell you the truth, when you did it to one of the least of these my brothers and sisters, you were doing it to me!’ Matthew 25:40 NLTTo begin learning how Jesus can help you find understanding, healing, wisdom, and the strength to break free from the cycle and bondage of domestic abuse and violence, contact Darla today! Sign up to receive her weekly blog posts to keep learning and growing in your personal relationship with Jesus Christ, your Savior, and Redeemer.
What You Will Learn with Darla Colinet
- How your broken love design left you vulnerable to becoming a victim of domestic abuse.
- What are the types, signs, and realities of domestic abuse and how they are in opposition to the heart, character, and love of Christ.
- How God set up His marriage design to overflow with Christ’s abundance of love.
- How to live in Christ’s identity and eliminate the lies you have been believing.
- How to live in Christ’s exceptional love design and thrive in life whether you choose to leave your abusive marriage, to end it, or to remain in it.
Step into your journey to break free from the bondage of abuse. Contact Darla now!
Services Darla Offers
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New Book Coming! Quest for Exceptional Love: Transform your love and relationships through Christ’s exceptional love design.
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DO YOU KNOW ?
1 in 3 women experience abuse in their lifetime. However, Native American women are abused 4 times the national average, and they are 10 times more likely to be murdered.
Abuse and Domestic Violence are the least talked about, addressed, and provided with resources pandemic in the Christian church today.
The cost of intimate partner violence exceeds $8.3 billion per year. Medical costs, physical and mental, make up for 70% of the total.
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