What is Abuse?

What You Can Do

I remember waking up with knots in my stomach—in protection mode for my children, and in survival mode for myself. During thirteen years of my painful marriage, I read a hundred self-help books by 1995 trying to find answers to fix the pain in my marriage. What I begin to discover was the fact that I was in an abusive marriage to a man who claimed to be a Christian.


The violence in my marriage escalated to a life-threatening situation. I fled to a safe house for women to find help for myself and my children. I met with a counselor, and she asked me to read a list like the one below.


After reading the first few sentences, the knowledge from the books I read connected with the truth about domestic abuse. I saw the truth of my life, and began to heal in my personal relationship with Jesus Christ. I also found my life’s mission, to help and empower other victims of domestic abuse to find God’s freedom in His word, and to thrive in their lives feeling safe, secure, and loved.


Signs of Abuse & How to Find Help


Read the following list to empower yourself with truth about the signs of domestic abuse. Mark any statements that are true in your relationship.


  • You feel like you are walking on eggshells, even though he says he loves you.
  • He puts you down, uses disrespectful words, or tells you how you feel.
  • He discounts or ignores hurt feelings or opposition you share and makes it your fault.
  • He refuses to help you when you are sick, injured, or pregnant.
  • He calls you or your children bad names and degrades you.
  • He is jealous, angry, and accuses you of flirting or having sex with other men.
  • He publicly shows sexual interest in other women.
  • He humiliates you or your friends and family in public.
  • He keeps you from working and controls your money.
  • He lies, and breaks promises continually He has a sense of entitlement and superiority.
  • He blames you and other people for his faults and mistakes.
  • He subjects you to reckless driving or prevents you from driving.
  • He punches walls slams doors, and he brakes your belongings.
  • He gets in your face or positions himself to tower over you.
  • He shoves, pushes, thumps, grabs, squeezes, bruises, scrapes, or chokes you.
  • He gives you the silent treatment or uses guilt to get his way.
  • He drinks alcohol, uses drugs, or picks fights. He hurts your pets.
  • He threatens to take the children away or abandon you.
  • He isolates you from friends and family or any support system.
  • He threatens to harm or kill himself or others.
  • He forces you to have sex, sadistic, and hurtful sexual acts.
  • He threatens to kill you.
  • He constantly quizzes you: where you’ve been, with who, and what you discussed.
  • He sends you abusive texts, emails, or via other social media or electronic viruses.
  • He posts improper and your private information on the internet.
  • He follows you everywhere—he stalks you.


After reading the list above, you need to know the legal definition of abuse according to the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence. “Domestic Violence or domestic abuse is the willful intimidation, physical assault, battery, sexual assault, and/or other abusive behavior as part of a systematic pattern of power and control over another partner in an intimate relationship.” The main categories of abuse are: Physical, emotional, verbal, financial, sexual, financial, and psychological.


Discover the Signs of Abuse & How to Find Help


If you have discovered that you are a victim of abuse after reading the list above, I’m here to let you know that you are not alone, you can be healed through God’s transforming grace, and you can live safe, secure, and loved.


First, contact a Christian counselor who is experienced with domestic abuse. Don’t go to your pastor first, unless they are professionally trained to handle domestic abuse. I also advise against couples counseling, as abuse is a sinful act against you, so you are not responsible to own any part of the act or to fix it.


Next, contact your community women’s safe house for support, guidance, and information about creating a safe plan in case you have to leave suddenly. If you are in a life-threatening situation, even in a Christian marriage, please contact the hotline on the Internet at http://www.thehotline.org/ or call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1−800−799−7233 or TTY 1−800−787−3224.


The only way to change your life and break the cycle of domestic abuse is to learn what the pure love of Christ is and work with him to implement it into your life. By changing your definition and design of love to Christ’s, you will see abusers and not be draw into their traps like I was for two more abusive marriages.


Use the lessons I have learned and the revelation God has shown me to break free and thrive in happy healthy relationships. To help you work with Jesus and transform your love design into his, order my book and workbook, Quest for Exceptional Love, Transform your love and relationships through Christ’s love design available on Amazon.


As a daughter of God, you have the Biblical right and responsibility to ensure the Christ that lives in you is treated with God’s love, respect, and honor from people in your life, especially your husband. Jesus said, “Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.” Matthew 25:40 NIV




My life is proof that you can live safe, secure, and loved in the arms of Jesus Christ. Jesus looked at them and said, “With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.” Matthew 19:26 NIV Stand with me to end abuse and domestic violence!


When you are ready to grow in a deeper understanding of faith and your personal relationships with Jesus Christ, contact me about life coaching or see the online courses and resources I have available at http://godstransforminggrace.com.