The Unhealthy and Abusive Marriage Pandemic. What is the role of Faith Leaders?

If I didn’t love others, I would be nothing. . . Three things will last forever—faith, hope, and love—and the greatest of these is love.”  (1 Cor. 13:2, 13, NLT)


One of the enemy’s subtlest tools to destroy Christ’s church is to deceive individual believers about Christ’s healthy love. Believers can be deceived when they ALMOST understand Christ’s definition of love. Without knowing all of God’s truth, the enemy will twist the truth of God we know and weave it into our imperfect understanding. “A family splintered by feuding will fall apart.” (Mark 3:25, NLT)


The staggering number of believers calling their churches in the past few years has revealed the silent pandemic going on for decades—the unhealthy and toxic-abusive marriages in the congregations. Instead of learning how to identify and support abuse victims, many churches have left addressing the issue of unhealthiness and toxic abuse to the secular world.

Many churches don’t realize there are many types of toxic abuse outside of domestic violence. They may also be unaware that unhealthiness and abuse statistics within Christian marriages are the same as in secular marriages, according to the National Coalition Against Domestic Abuse. Without the knowledge and tools needed to identify and support abuse victims, faith leaders struggle to know what to do.

Whether lack of knowledge or fear, no reason releases faith leaders from our responsibilities to learn about unhealthy and toxic-abusive marriages. We need to know all the truth to help, support, and teach victims and all of Christ’s disciples how to walk in Christ’s healthy definition of love.

Unhealthiness and abuse will not go away in our human condition on this broken planet. Abuse is a choice to sin against God and others. The numbers of calls and the continued viral outbreaks make it clear that we must empower our pastors, mentors, teachers, leaders, and staff with the tools they need to identify, help, and support the victims.

Lifeway Research conducted a study of 1000 Protestant pastors in the summer of 2018.

A staggering 54% percent of pastors surveyed

said that they are either NOT trained at all, or insufficiently trained, to handle domestic violence issues.[i]

"compelling, challenging, and convincing."

Let’s break the enemy’s stronghold of deception concerning all forms of unhealthy and toxic-abusive love by teaching all believers God’s perfect love and truth through the words and example of Christ’s life. Start your journey with Jesus and dwell in his healthy love now!  Buy your book today on Amazon Quest for Exceptional Love.


This book is a true work of heart. Darla takes her complicated and often painful experiences and shares honestly and unashamedly to help Christians struggling with their own cocoons. Her ability to gently present the lessons she’s learned, and the truth of God’s true and perfect love in her brokenness offers hope and healing.

Sign up for the next workshop now!

In Person Workshop

Fort Collins, CO

Book a Workshop in Your Area

Zoom Training

Online Classes

Add Me to the Waiting List

We have two choices.

It is NEVER God’s will or His healthy marriage partnership design to include any form of abuse. As faith leaders of Christ’s church, we are responsible for knowing how to meet believers struggling in their unhealthy or toxic-abusive marriage and show them all the aspects of Christ’s healthy love. 

As faith leaders, we can be empowered with the knowledge and tools we need to face the silent pandemic of unhealthiness and toxic abuse in Christ and watch the Lord transform their love and lives.

We can keep pretending that unhealthiness and toxic-abuse is not happening and let the enemy keep destroying the hearts, minds, and souls of God’s children.



Workshop Outline: The Unhealthy and Abusive Marriage Pandemic. What is the role of Faith Leaders?

6 HOURS (2 breaks and ½ hour lunch)


8:00 AM - 8:30 AM

Realities of the silent pandemic of unhealthy and toxic-abusive marriages in the church.

8:30 AM - 9:30 AM

God’s design of marriage as a partnership.

10:30 AM - 11:30 AM

How believers become confused about love and marriage.

9:30 AM - 10:30 AM


11:30 AM - 12:00 PM

In Her Shoes Exercise

1:00 PM - 2:00 PM

Differences between victim and abuser and what to do

2:00 PM - 3:00 PM

Churches responsibility and role with Christ and steps to move forward.

3:00 PM - 4:00 PM


For more information or to book your workshop, contact