“Hey, did you hear about Sue? Do you want to hear a secret?” These questions activate the cancer of sharing other people’s secrets in your mind, heart, and life. The definition of a secret is something that is kept and not meant to be known or seen by others. In this definition, a secret is to be held by you.
From the time we are children we have been told secrets, or we have shared secrets with our parents, friends, coworkers, and acquaintances.
Their willingness to share a secret with us makes us feel like we are trusted above others, we have a special place with them, or we have access to inside knowledge. As children, our learning about secrets or sharing them does not destroy lives. However, the good close feelings we experience in our childhood innocence blinds us to the reality that not everyone has our best in mind as we grow up. Unfortunately, most of us learn the pain of feeling betrayed as we discover our trusted friend, who promised to keep our secret, shared it.
What Entices Us to Share Secrets
We usually share a secret with a friend to unload our heart as a confession or to impress them that we have inside information about someone else.
The first reason we share a secret is to confess our sins or problem with someone we trust who is following Christ Jesus. As Christians, we are called to share people’s burdens and loads with them in confidence and to encourage them. When you can pray together and receive peace from Christ’s forgiveness and the support of a friend, it is easier to heal and go forward.
However, we don’t always make the best choices of who we share our secrets with. Learning who to trust takes years. Even if you have Christian friends, not all of them are trustworthy. The only true person you can share all your secrets in confidence with is Jesus Christ. He already knows all your stuff, and he has NEVER left your side. He is the only one who can forgive, heal, and empower you to keep going forward.
Keeping a person’s secret is honoring them in this context. Keeping a secret that breaks the law or indicates harm to them or others needs to be shared with the proper authorities, not as gossip. They need help.
Why We are Asked To Keep Secrets
We keep secrets for three reasons:
- We are asked by people who need to share their burdens and need your support with Christ to move forward.
- We are sucked into people’s attempts to impress us with information that is not their own. The truth is, they are gossiping. Gossip is not in Christ’s character or example.
- We are manipulated, deceived, and controlled by abusers. Secrets are a hot button for me as I overcame living in domestic abuse for twenty years in several abusive marriages. Whenever someone says, “This is our secret, don’t tell anyone.” You are being manipulated and deceived. These first statements are usually followed by these rationales, excuses, or threats.
- “You are special to me so let’s keep this just between us.
- I need you to protect me from anyone else know this about me.
- If you tell anyone I will hurt you, the kids, and Fido.” Abusers use these three statements as manipulation to keep you silent so they can continue abusing you.
God’s Light Kills the Cancer of Hurtful Secrets
God brings everything into His light. Carefully determine what pleases the Lord. Take no part in the worthless deeds of evil and darkness; instead, expose them. It is shameful even to talk about the things that ungodly people do in secret. But their evil intentions will be exposed when the light shines on them, for the light makes everything visible. Ephesians 5:10-14 NLT
There is a darkness around secrets that will remain until they are brought into Christ’s light. Darkness is where the devil and all evil secrets and schemes have the ability to keep you imprisoned.
No one has the right to touch you, hurt you, or to make you touch them through cohesion, manipulating flattery, or treats. Actions between individuals are not a SECRET, or something is wrong. The devil loves to use secrets as a way to tap into your childhood innocence of feeling special by knowing a secret. Like any lie, there is an element of truth. However, the devil takes it one step further as he uses your innocence against you through the people who have volunteered to do his destruction through abuse.
I know how the devil works in the mind of the victim because I was tethered to his darkness of secrets and lies. For many years I chose to keep the abuse to myself because of not knowing what God’s will was concerning abuse in marriage. I bought into the lie that keeping the abuse secret was a way to control it. I also kept silent because I didn’t have support or resources. Once the abuse escalated to life or death, my determination to understand what God thought became crucial.
My understanding of secrets and abuse in marriage completely changed after I meant a minister, who had a divorced daughter because of abuse. He showed me how to study God’s word for myself from a study Bible. Through Christ’s revelations, I realized the truth that keeping the abuse and pain in my life a secret was destroying my mind, heart, and life. God’s word of truth set me free.
Jesus Knows EVERYTHING
As I have partnered with Jesus and moved to the healed side of abuse, I realize there are NO secrets between Jesus and me. There can’t be because he lives in me.
It is vital to be truthful with yourself and Jesus. If you feel like keeping a secret, ask yourself what you are trying to hide, and why. Don’t buy into the deception that you have the power to keep anything secret from Jesus. If you have sinned, ask for forgiveness and be free. If you choose to keep a secret, ask yourself what it will cost your mind, peace, and spirit.
Eliminate the cancer of secrecy keeping you tied to the darkness. Walk into Christ’s marvelous light and live free! Learn more about abuse at God’s Transforming Grace.