- What if I choose the wrong thing? –FEAR
- How can I make sure people will like or accept me? –STARVING FOR APPROVAL, LOVE, VALUE
- What can I fix so my husband will love me and be in a good mood? –ANXIETY
- Why can’t I be thinner, smarter, or sexy in my husband’s eyes? –DEVALUING SELF
- Why am I such a disaster? –HOPELESS
Your feelings are real. However, feelings don’t have a brain! Feelings are emotional energy spiking a physical surge of adrenaline energy. They combine to make you FEEL confused and out of control. Your emotional and physical chaos make you see yourself as having no power and that everything “happens” to you, or in a victim mindset. Letting your emotions control you shows up in your reactive words and actions. You can’t hide from your feelings or ignore them. However, you’re the only one who can choose to let your feelings control you or to be in control of them.
In an abusive relationship or marriage, it’s crucial for you to understand you have the power to choose. In your circumstance, you need your brain and logic to see the truth, to examine your realities, and to begin your healing journey. If you grew up in an abusive home or one full of uncontrolled emotions, withheld emotions, or high drama you automatically think letting your emotions lead you to react is normal.
If you choose to continue to let your emotions lead your mind and decision, you will be like a hamster in her exercise wheel running aimlessly going nowhere. All of the negative emotions listed at the top will continue to increase and intensify leaving you more confused and feeling powerless. They will take over any positive emotions, and you’ll be left with depression and anxiety that will show up in your physical condition as panic attacks, stomach issues, or addiction to ease your pain.
Just because you are in an abusive marriage doesn’t mean you have to let your feelings control your emotions, words, actions, mind, and heart. You have the power to choose what drinking glass to pick out of the cupboard. How to brush your teeth and how to dress. Start with these wins and look for others throughout your day. Look for the opposite of what you feel in God’s word of truth. Allow His words of life to root deep into your mind and heart. In my years of abuse, I used this concept called “God Thinking Process” to help me stop my feelings from stealing my logic and standing on God’s promises. I stopped the enemy from destroying me through my emotions.
4 Steps in the God Thinking Process
- First, when I felt an emotion starting in the pit of stomach, shoulders, or face, I would take a deep breathe and close my eyes even for a brief second.
- Second, I’d pinch my earlobe, to bring my brain back to a physical reality. This simple physical action interrupted my emotions and opened the door for me arm myself with God’s weapon of truth. God’s word helped me take my thoughts captive, and they can help you captivate yours. I’d declare this verse out loud when I could or inside my head. I “demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and (I) take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.” 2 Corinthians 10:5 NIV
- Third, I’d Identify the thought that sparked the feeling. I’d ask myself if my thought honored Jesus, myself, or others. If it didn’t, I thanked God that through Him, I now chose to think on “whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. Philippians 4:8 NIV
- Fourth, I’d repeat this process until I knew my mind and God’s spirit was in charge. In time I added more verses about the mind and emotions and I kept a copy of them in my purse. I encourage you to write these scriptures in your own handwriting and take a picture of them with your phone to keep them close. I also found great strength by sharing my scriptures with a friend.
God gave you your emotions and your brain. It’s up to you to make sure your brain is leading your emotions and choices. Whether you realize it or not, the devil has continued to bait you to let your emotions lead. Now it’s time to stop him. No matter what circumstances you face, you can be in control of your emotions through the power of Jesus within you and triumphantly lead your life.
Let me know what scriptures you choose to help you stay in control. You can also download a free copy of 12 Personalized Proclamations I created. https://godstransforminggrace.com/12-empowering-proclamations/