“I just want someone to take care of me.” This statement is a desire expressed by many women, but do they really understand what they are saying? The fantasies and the ways of the world have also played into this deceptive and destructive mindset. The truth is, as adults, we are each responsible for taking care of ourselves.
Whenever you give someone else the power to choose how you will be treated or taken care of, you are shrinking away from your responsibility as a disciple of Jesus. You are responsible for taking care of Christ’s temple, which is you. You are also in danger of allowing another person’s morals, values, ethics, standards, and spiritual beliefs to overshadow or corrupt yours. Being the unique person God created dissipates when you begin to slowly mirror the other person, just to be ‘taken-care-of.’
There is always a cost and a consequence for every choice we make. When we choose to use fantasy instead of learning how to create and maintain healthy boundaries in our life, we lose part of ourselves. We also become vulnerable to be disrespected and abused. Remember, boundaries are your protection and your safe space to dwell with Jesus. To fortify your safe space, let’s look at the last two key aspects of healthy boundaries in Christ.
Final Two Key Aspects of Christ’s Healthy Boundaries
- Responsibility: God created us as individuals. We are each responsible and accountable for our thoughts, attitudes, emotions, words, actions, and spiritual choices. Once you receive Christ’s salvation, you are responsible to learn God’s word and to follow it. You are responsible for working with Jesus to grow your faith in a progressive personal relationship. You are responsible for how you treat others and how you allow others to treat you.
When Adam was held accountable by God for his decision to disobey, (to be irresponsible and sin), concerning God’s instruction to not eat the fruit of the tree of life and death, he blamed Eve. In turn, Eve blamed the serpent. If blame and excuses didn’t’ work for them, they won’t work for you. Whether you learned to be responsible growing up or not, you are responsible for yourself as an adult. And you alone are accountable to God. Dr. Cloud, the author of the book Boundaries, states, “you are responsible to each other but not for each other.”
Remember, we will all stand before the judgment seat of God. 12 Yes, each of us will give a personal account to God. Romans 14:10,12 NLT
When you act irresponsibly as a disciple of Jesus, you will fill convicted by the Holy Spirit. Your conviction prompts you to recognize that your choice doesn’t align with God’s word or the responsible character of Jesus. Let the Holy Spirit’s warning be the catalyst to draw you close to Jesus through repentance. Choose to take responsibility for yourself in Christ’s strength.
Years ago, I went through several classes at an alcohol treatment center while my ex-husband was in treatment. I learned two priceless truths.
- The person who has the consequences has the responsibility.
- Don’t let others do something for you that you must do to take care of your own mental, emotional, physical, and spiritual needs. You are responsible for yourself. You are not responsible for other adults.
Irresponsibility is disguised and dismissed in our culture through the following words:
- Ignore and neglect
- Escape or hide from your self-responsibility, in substances and by acting helpless
- Settle or tolerate, which is to allow the existence of opinions or behaviors that one does not necessarily agree with.
- Relinquish your power to choose or remain silent when you know you aren’t being respected or honored.
- Blame and excuses are used to try to deflect your irresponsibility
All of these words, mindsets, and methods are used to escape being responsible. They are all deceptive lies. When you use any of these to avoid taking responsibility for yourself, you create more pain, torment, and challenges in your life. You can’t operate in Christ’s love and power and choose to be powerless at the same time. To thrive as a disciple of Jesus Christ, you must take responsibility for yourself in every way.
Taking responsibility for your thoughts, attitudes, choices, words, actions, and consequences allow you to live in Christ’s power and God’s mission for your life. Responsibility ignites your power through the Holy Spirit to mature your fruit of self-control. Choosing to be responsible for every aspect of your life helps you draw healthy boundaries in Christ that protect his spirit living in you.
The one who sins is the one who will die. The child will not share the guilt of the parent, nor will the parent share the guilt of the child. The righteousness of the righteous will be credited to them, and the wickedness of the wicked will be charged against them. Ezekiel 18:20 NIV
Pay careful attention to your own work, for then you will get the satisfaction of a job well done, and you won’t need to compare yourself to anyone else. For we are each responsible for our own conduct. Galatians 6:4-5 NLT
- Respect: Love and respect are interlocked in Christ’s healthy boundaries. Respecting others and yourself is loving others AS you love yourself. Setting healthy boundaries in your life with the value and characteristic of respect for Jesus ensures you are respecting and honoring his spirit living in you. To let someone disrespect you as a disciple of Jesus is allowing them to disrespect Jesus.
“A lack of boundaries invites a lack of respect.” Book by Not Only Not Only Journals
When you have grown up believing that you are less than others or not worthy of being loved, you have weak or nonexistent boundaries. Without a safe space with Jesus to learn and grow strong, you will continue to have very little respect for yourself. Until you choose to actively live as a child of God and a disciple of Jesus Christ, you will struggle to have healthy boundaries and respect for yourself.
You must choose to live like you believe you are “in-Christ” until you come to know and feel his truths in your heart and mind. You have to reprogram your mind with God’s truths instead of repeating the lies you have believed in the past. Drawing and living in your Christ-identity comes from growing a progressive relationship with him and knowing God’s word.
Learn to study the scriptures on who you are in Christ. Profess God’s word and personalize His scriptures to get them into your heart and mind. God will bring several key verses to begin His healing and transformation as you learn to respect yourself in your Christ-identity. Never forget who you are in Christ. Proclaim these scriptures as your Christ-identity.
· I have been crucified with Christ and it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me. The life I am now living is Christ’s life. Galatians 2:20
· I have been justified…completely forgiven and made righteous. Romans 5:1
· I am a new creation. 2 Corinthians 5:17
· I am being changed into the likeness of Christ. 2 Corinthians 3:18
· I died with Christ and died to the power of sin’s rule over my life. Romans 6:1-6
· I have been given the mind of Christ. 1 Corinthians 2:16
· I am more than a conqueror through Christ, who loves me. Romans 8:37
Live in Christ’s Healthy Boundaries
The key aspects of responsibility and respect are interwoven with the aspects of the first and second greatest commandments and freedom. All four of these key aspects are present in Christ’s love and healthy boundaries. Remember, boundaries define you and empower you to respect and honor Christ living in you.
Christ’s healthy boundaries ignite his exceptional love in your relationship with him, with yourself, and with other imperfect people. It’s vital to draw your healthy boundaries and to respect the boundaries of others. When you live in Christ’s safe boundaries, you will thrive in his joy, love, peace, hope, and overcoming power.
To learn more about Christ’s exceptional love, join my blog to know when my new book is coming out. Quest for Exceptional Love: Transform your love and relationship through Christ’s exceptional love design.