13 Red Flags Your Christian Boyfriend or Spouse is Abusive

Giving your heart to someone is the most precious and intimate gift you can give them because Christ lives in you. For this reason, you must make sure the person you give your heart to will love you in Christ’s design of love and marriage.

#1 Scripture Used by Abusive Christian Husband’s

Submission must be given. Submission doesn’t mean women do not have a voice, opinion, or influence on our husbands. Submission does not mean we are slaves and obligated to do whatever our husbands want; especially if it is abusive or goes against the morals and character of Christ.

3 Abusive Phrases That Destroy Your Relationship

The frequency and level of abuse may change, but the certainty of being abused will not. When you are with an abusive person, they will continue to do what they know until they choose to learn and act in healthy ways.

STOP the Cancer of Hurtful Secrets

There is a darkness around secrets that will remain until they are brought into Christ’s light. Darkness is where the devil and all evil secrets and schemes have the ability to keep you imprisoned.

Dependence is Freedom

History shows us that when imperfect people use their independence to get what they desire without any consideration of others and a foundation of love and honor, the result is hurt, abuse, and devastation.

Surrender is Not Defeat

The process of surrender is constant and requires you to be intentional. Ever present is our flesh self-will wanting to do things “our way” and in “our time.” However, our way is the opposite of trusting and surrendering to Jesus.

What is the Love Chapter?

Without knowing God’s true meaning, I interpreted this chapter through the imperfect lens of my broken love experiences. My misguided understanding of love twisted my mindset. I saw love as me giving my all, while my spouse enjoyed it. I didn’t have equal expectations for the way he treated me. In this mindset, I saw the success or failure of my marriage as my sole responsibility. My one-sided and love-starved mindset and misunderstanding of God’s design for love and marriage made me vulnerable to become a victim of domestic abuse. The primary trap for me was the illusion that my husband loved me, especially since I felt love-starved. The reason I stayed and kept trying to make my marriage work was my commitment to God in my marriage vows. I knew I had to give God and my husband my all. With my twisted understanding of love, I continued to be abused for thirteen years.

You Have an Umbrella of Protection

There have been many times growing up when I wished I could have pulled out my umbrella to shield myself from the storms of life. Unlike my fun in the rain as a little girl, real-life challenges have proven to be anything but fun. They also seem to come in their timing and not by your choice. As a young adult, when I faced challenges, I tried to protect myself and to find my own solutions while praying for God to help me. However, as I have grown in a deeper understanding of Christ through our evolving relationship, I realize he is my shield of protection. He needs to be the first thing I cling to and not my thoughts or plans. Jesus himself told us we would face trials on this broken earth in our imperfect bodies. Our trials help us see the depth of our faith and what we need to work on in partnership with him. When I dwell with Jesus and allow him to direct my steps, I can rest at peace in his provision, protection, and abounding love in the midst of life’s storms. Living in faith doesn’t mean that a storm will go away unless Jesus chooses to calm my storm. It means Jesus is my umbrella and I am never alone. As I hold on to him, he keeps my sight clear and focused on his love and solutions as we walk through the storms of life together.