The reason we have abuse is because we don’t know about Christ’s true love design and therefore, we are operating from our imperfect definition, ideals, and design of love from the messages we heard, the role models we watched, and the experiences we had. When you choose to be a disciple of Christ through Salvation, you are choosing to be his apprentice. You are committing to learning his ways of love and following them to transform your love design into his.
When you believe your identity originates or it is determined by imperfect people (including yourself), you will constantly feel a need to prove yourself, fix yourself, or punish yourself.
Choosing to stay in my first thirteen-year abusive marriage almost ended in my death and my ex-husband’s death. Love fantasies are destructive, unwise, and deadly.
Depending on the dynamics, standards, and version of love you grew up with you may not realize Christ’s love design. You may have accepted that being disrespected, blamed, shamed, and abused is normal when the person apologizes.
When abusers show their good side, it reminds their victims of what they fell for, and it brings FALSE hope. The victims wants her abusive husband to be healed and her marriage to be all she had hoped for.
The people in our congregations, Christ’s people, are hurting and confused. They don’t know where to find help to understand how Christ’s design of love is different than theirs.
Many Christian marriages are struggling to find happiness and fulfillment. They love each other, they go to church together, they pray together, but they can't seem to stop fighting or being frustrated. Some of these marriages may be in an abusive cycle without knowing it.
Giving your heart to someone is the most precious and intimate gift you can give them because Christ lives in you. For this reason, you must make sure the person you give your heart to will love you in Christ’s design of love and marriage.
Submission must be given. Submission doesn’t mean women do not have a voice, opinion, or influence on our husbands. Submission does not mean we are slaves and obligated to do whatever our husbands want; especially if it is abusive or goes against the morals and character of Christ.
The frequency and level of abuse may change, but the certainty of being abused will not. When you are with an abusive person, they will continue to do what they know until they choose to learn and act in healthy ways.