How could I be so blind? I knew better. I just had to do it my way. Now, look at the mess I made!
I battled with these thoughts flooding my mind for years. I felt paralyzed and condemned (believing I was a bad person) even though I love and follow Jesus Christ. Many of my mistakes were not by choice as I am sure yours are not. However, this fact did not change the reality of being blindsided and facing the consequences of a bad choice. Nothing changed until I accepted the fact that God made me in my imperfect body in a broken world to love and serve Him and others not to become perfect.
We all make mistakes, which I believe, shows us we need Jesus to walk with us every minute of every day. If it were possible for people to decide to be good and perfect, it would have been carried out by now. The reality is there was only one perfect person that walked in this broken world, and it was Jesus Christ. Even though he was perfect, he never flaunted this reality because he knew it was only because of his loving father, God. Jesus spent his life showing us that God is not interested in us working to become perfect, which we cannot be on this broken earth. God is most interested in our hearts. He desires to partner with us to grow and mature all the seeds of love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. In our maturity, we can live in His abundance and experience His favor and blessings. God wants to live in a daily progressive personal relationship with us because He loves us.
Believe it or not, God is not surprised when we are imperfect because He formed us and He knows all things. God chose to create us with the freedom to choose to love, serve, and obey His ways in every aspect of our life or to do things our way. Either choice has consequences on earth and into eternity.
Trying to do everything perfectly is not a reality in our imperfectness on this broken earth. However, as a disciple of Jesus, you are called to do everything as if you were doing it unto God himself. When you follow God out of love and walk hand in hand with Jesus, your thoughts, words, and actions will naturally be transformed to mirror his. Now I am not saying you will always make the best choices all the time, but when you mess up and repent right away, you will feel the love of Jesus making you stronger in your faith with every step you take.
I know from personal experience that I am no longer a slave to perfectionism and the condemnation it incubates. If I can be free so can you. Be courageous and partner with Jesus to leave your striving for perfectionism behind. Use your energy to become the amazing heart and life God created you to be in the middle of your imperfectness surrounded by His love.
Let me know how you are doing and what has changed in your life when you have let go of trying to be perfect?